June 23, 2009

Some tips for would-be-conquerers

From Peter Anspach, one hundred tips on how to be a successful evil overlord...

#26 - No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive which is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.

#30 - All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

#56 - My Legion of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

#84 - I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

No comments: